


sunrises and sunsets (and some things in between)

by pinksunlight



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Universe, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sunrises, There is So Much Noise in the Quiet, but that doesn't mean neither of them heard what the other had to say, jeonghan and joshua have things to say but they go left unsaid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinksunlight/pseuds/pinksunlight
Summary: Joshua lies back in the sand and closes his eyes, “What reminded you of me, Han?”“Not important.”“It is to me."or, joshua watches the sunrise in la and jeonghan watches the sunset in seoul.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	sunrises and sunsets (and some things in between)

**Author's Note:**

> vietnamese translation now available [here](https://bapsworldblog.wordpress.com/2020/04/17/transficjihan-sunrises-and-sunsets/)

Right before light kisses the surface of the water and the dark blue sky washes out, Joshua sits down in the sand and feels it sift between his toes, cool and grainy. He woke up earlier than his alarm, thanks to the internal clock he’d involuntarily acquired in the last year. It only took a couple moments of deliberation to decide what he wanted to do at such an odd hour, with the rest of the world likely asleep.

At this time, when it’s too ambiguous to determine whether it’s too late or too early, everything is painted navy blue. It’s too dark to make things out at first glance, but Joshua knows he only has to look a little longer to consolidate a clear picture. LA isn’t cold by any means, but the beach is always a degree or two lower than the rest of the city. Joshua doesn’t mind, he never has. He closes his eyes and lets the sounds of the ocean lap around him, it’s the kind of quiet that brings solace, the kind of quiet he’d nearly forgotten while he was in Korea.

He’s home.

For the first time in a year, he’s back home. Only for fourteen days. Three hundred and thirty-six hours. But he’s _home_. And to his mom, who’s only seen him through a screen for the past year, it’s enough. To himself, who’s longed to feel like he isn’t an outsider in his own life, it’s enough. A breeze gently tousles Joshua’s hair and ripples his shirt and he lets a small smile adorn his face. There’s something different about the air in LA. It feels alive, like every gust of wind is a stuttered breath. When he opens his eyes, the sky is a fraction of a fraction of a fraction lighter. He knows the sun won’t rise in front of his eyes, but that’s not what he intends on seeing, anyways.

He remembers so much about this beach. Hot, sticky days spent under the sun in reckless abandon with his friends when summer became a state of mind and school became a slur. Sneaking out at ungodly hours and daring each other to take a swim, muffling their laughter in each other’s shoulders and believing that the world really was only as big as the circle they could make with their hands held. Joshua was a kid – _is_ a kid, but he doesn’t quite understand what that means anymore.

Because Joshua is alone, he lets himself imagine, just for a few seconds, that he’s a normal 18-year-old kid. Because Joshua is alone, he lets himself imagine that his friends will be here to join him any second, that they haven’t forgotten about him, that they have plans for a grand adventure over spring break and _you’ve got to come, Josh, you can’t miss this for the world!_ Because Joshua is alone, he lets himself imagine and imagine until he is silently shaking and bits of the ocean leak out from his own eyes and it feels like not even the LA air could breathe life back into him.

Because he is alone. Because, he is alone. He is alone.

He doesn’t want to go back.

He hasn’t told his mom because he doesn’t even let himself think about it, but he really, really doesn’t want to go back. He’s exhausted, and he knows the others are too, but he can’t help but feel he’s allowed to be a little more exhausted. He’s tired of Korean games he’s not familiar with and Korean words he doesn’t understand and dancing until he’s bruised and bleeding and playing his guitar while he sings to cover up his insecurities surrounding his voice because god knows he can’t compete with the other boys. He wants to be able to hug his mom after a long day and he wants to be able to speak in English because he’s tired of having to limit what he says simply because he doesn’t know how to say it.

He doesn’t have much to go back for anyways.

Joshua’s phone rings. He doesn’t look at it. He counts his breaths, steadying them with every wave that breaks on the shore in front of his feet. His nose is probably red, and his eyes are probably teary, but Joshua doesn’t have to care about things like that. He picks up without looking.

“Hello?”

_“Jisoo?”_

Jeonghan.

He sounds cautious, as if he’s expecting to have dialled the wrong number. And why wouldn’t he be? Joshua had answered in English. He keeps his eyes on the water, watching it become more and more translucent as the sky lightens. It’s still much too dark to be out, but Joshua doesn’t have to look as long and hard anymore.

“It’s me,” he says. The language sounds different when he uses it here. It sits comfortably on his tongue, but there’s a shameful feeling he gets of hoping no one else is around to hear him. I’m from LA, he wants to exude. I belong here. I belong _here_.

_“Good. I thought it was your voice but then I started to second guess myself. I didn’t think you’d pick up, to be honest. It’s 4:24 in the morning. What are you even doing up?”_

His voice is like a blanket, it coats Joshua with unexpected comfort. Longing, too. But he doesn’t dwell on that. He sniffs a little, trying not to sound like he’s been crying.

“You checked the time and thought I wouldn’t pick up, but you still called me. As expected of Yoon Jeonghan.”

He laughs, light and sweet, and it’s like Joshua is right next to him. _“What can I say? I’m a menace_. _”_

“That you are. I’m at the beach. I woke up early and felt like shit, so I came to see something beautiful. What are you doing? It’s late there, right?”

_“I’m home, sitting on the balcony. It’s… 8:25 right now. I had nothing to do so I watched the sunset and then I was too lazy to move so now I’m just sitting here. Something reminded me of you, so I called. You should thank me, now you get to listen to something beautiful as well.”_

Joshua lets out a soft laugh that sounds loud in the silence, but he doesn’t let it slip from his mind that _something reminded me of you._ For a few moments, neither of them says anything, and Joshua wonders, eyes distant as the horizon line becomes more prominent, when he began to breathe in sync with the other boy.

Not much to go back for. But Jeonghan is so much.

“I,” it comes out all crooked and fractured and Joshua feels a sob rising up his throat, but he chokes it back. He doesn’t really know what he wants to say.

 _“I figured something was off. You didn’t sound too hot.”_ And even though he’s trying to sound like a smartass, Jeonghan’s voice contains layers upon layers of care and kindness. Jeonghan is layers upon layers of care and kindness. Joshua can’t bring himself to even count the amount of times he found himself nestled between those layers in the past year, seeking comfort in a world where comfort was forbidden.

Jeonghan sucks in a couple of breaths like he’s about to speak but doesn’t say anything. Joshua lets his tears drop onto the sand and watches as the grains clump together.

_“Tell me, for as long as you want. But… please come back, Jisoo. My selfish heart and I need you here. Beside us. Me.”_

Jeonghan is so, _so_ much. Joshua, despite himself, laughs. It’s wet and curt, but it’s true. He’s always been like this, and sometimes it’s scary, but most of the times it’s a sign of the kind of bond Joshua needs to be able to wake up every morning and spend 90% of his day in the practice room. When Joshua’s feeling down but doesn’t bother letting anyone know, it’s Jeonghan who sits next to him with their shoulders touching and fiddles with his fingers before holding his hand. It’s Jeonghan who murmurs words of understanding just quiet enough that only Joshua can hear them. It’s Jeonghan who sneaks him out of practice late at night and roams the streets with him, never letting go of his hand.

“How do you always figure me out before I figure myself out?”

_“I don’t know, but I wish I couldn’t. Some things are a lot harder that way.”_

“Yeah? Care to share?”

A long inhale, then exhale. _“I thought you were going first.”_

“Avoiding talking about things that are hard is a specialty of mine. So, some things like…?”

 _“Fine,”_ but Jeonghan sounds weary more than annoyed. _“Some things like… like waiting for you… to figure yourself out.”_

Jeonghan knows that he’s said more than enough for Joshua to understand, and he does. His smile is almost peaceful as he watches peach bleed into blue from the horizon line. He was always going to go back, Joshua concludes. Despite the choking fear that he’ll never amount to anything, despite the gruelling work he has to put in without a break, despite the feeling of otherness, Joshua was always going to go back. Because he has so much to go back for.

“I miss you, Han.” Simple. Like the light that lands on the surface of the water and makes it glimmer and glint – diamonds. Simple. Like having something to go back for and _something reminded me of you_. Simple. Like Joshua, and Jeonghan, and Joshua and Jeonghan.

He can hear Jeonghan’s breath hitch, but he replies steadily, albeit softly. _“I miss you too, Shua.”_

Shua, Joshua smiles to himself as the world around him brightens and warmth envelops him from behind. A piece of home that travels with him overseas only to land upside down. It’s different, but it’s still him. His name belongs, safe with Jeonghan, and so does he.

Joshua lies back in the sand and closes his eyes, “What reminded you of me, Han?”

_“Not important.”_

“It is to me.”

_“…The sun was setting and-”_

The sun was rising and-

_“-there was no one walking by but-”_

-there was nobody around but-

“ _-I saw these 2 shadows and it doesn’t matter who they belonged to because-”_

-I sat alone in the shadows but didn’t feel as alone because-

_“-I could tell they were holding hands.”_

-my phone rang, and you said my name.

LA feels like home, but so does Jeonghan.

**Author's Note:**

> corontine am i right ladies
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/punksunlight)


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